Playgrounds and other heart attack sites

Before we start, Avery had another good one last night. She was lying in bed with her head on my chest and I was starting to read a book and she says, "You didn't lick your finger!". It made absolutely no sense to me so I just carried on reading the book. When I finished she picked up another book and wanted to "read" it to me. She looks up at me and says, "See? You lick your finger first, THEN you turn the page and read the book!". She licked her right index finger opened the book and then turned the page with her left hand. Priceless...

Anyway, is it me or is going to the playground the absolute easiest hour of parenting in the history of parenting? You stand there while your kid runs around and goes on slides and plays in the sand. Perfect. I don't have to do any exercise and I get to watch them have a blast while I sip on a soda. It's not all fun and games though -- oh no -- don't let your senses be distracted by all the colourful ladders and twisting slides and intricate monkey bars.

Playgrounds are where the hearts of parents go to skip a beat, and eventually stop all together, leaving the child to run for the nearest pay phone to call 9-1-1 as their mommy or daddy lies twitching in the sand next to a sand shovel and some 2 year old who's now screaming hysterically because you fell on his castle.

Yes indeed, playgrounds are sadistic inventions brought to you by the makers of pace makers, glycerin and other heart medication.

Exhibit A: The ladder



Hazzards:

• Falling backwards and breaking your neck
• Falling forwards and smashing your teeth (I've done that)
• The dreaded "split" (worse for boys - I've done that too)

Exhibit B: The funny looking climbing thing

Hazzards:

• Falling backwards and breaking your neck
• Falling forwards and breaking your nose
• The dreaded "split" (variation)

Exhibit C: The monkey bar(s)



Hazzards:

• Falling down and breaking your neck
• Losing a shoe
  

Exhibit D: The slides



Hazzards:

• Falling down and breaking your neck
• Falling of the end and breaking your leg
• Going head first and smashing your teeth
• Ramming into someone at the bottom
• Getting rammed at the bottom by someone
• Slipping while running up and breaking your nose

Finally, the single most terrifying element of the evil playground - and coincidently the most loved part of the outing for my daughter...

Exhibit E: The SIDEWAYS ladder



Hazzards:

• Falling forwards and breaking your neck
• Falling backwards and breaking your neck
• The dreaded "split"
• The fall on to the lower bar and smashing your teeth
• The fall with the arm/leg getting stuck and breaking said arm/leg
• Landing on someone when you fall
• Having someone fall and land on you

I'm telling you, if watching your kid do the sideways ladder doesn't give you heart palpitations I don't know what will. Now, if you'll excuse me I have to go buy one of those portable defibrillators, Avery wants to go to the park again tonight.