Avery is very vocal. I've had complete strangers come up and tell me how articulate she is, and how she must do very well in school (Avery is quite tall for her age). Then I tell them she's only a stone's throw older than 3 years old and they get all gob struck. Jodi and I have no reference point because this is our only child and we have limited, if any, experience in early childhood development (a Political Science major and a Physics major respectively) so these comments give us big swollen head parents of child genius syndrome. It's actually quite nice :-)
Today I dropped Avery off at her home day care place. Debbie looks after her 9 month old son, her 3 1/2 year old daughter, Avery, and a 15 month old girl named Emily. Emily just started talking and says "Hi" and "Bye" and "Avery!" when we come and go from Debbie's. Avery and Debbie's daughter don't like Emily that much because she's smaller and can't participate in all the things that they like to do. We try to get them to be civil to each other as much as possible though because Emily just wants so badly to be involved.
So any way, today I drop Avery off and Emily comes running around the corner yelling "Avery! Avery!" and Avery walks quite casually over to her and puts her hand on Emily's shoulder and says, "So Emily, how have you been?". I just about fell over. It was like a conversation you'd have with your church pastor's wife after service. "So Mary-Elizabeth, how have you been? Good, good. So happy to hear your apple pie turned out".
Then there are times where Avery is a normal 3 year old. Jodi took her on the ferris wheel at Centre Island in Toronto this weekend as as it was going round and round, on one of the coming down parts Avery looked over to Jodi and says, "Mommy, I no like this ride, it's hurting my feelings".
During a special dinner where the TV was on one night we had on a Dora the Explorer video where Dora was teaching the kids how to Mambo. At one point in the video Dora starts to sing, "Walk in place! Walk in place!" and Avery starts to move her hips in her chair mimicking someone walking in place. Avery starts to sing along, "Walk and play. Walk and play". Then Dora starts to sing, "Wiggle your hips! Wiggle your hips!" and Avery promptly tucks her hands under her arms and flaps her arms like a chicken singing, "Wiggle your pits! Wiggle your pits!". I'm telling you, Raffi couldn't even make this stuff up.
Finally, we were on our way out yesterday to get me some golf shorts and a new white shirt and Avery had eaten some blueberries before we got into the van. Jodi turns around to look at Avery once she's all buckled into her car seat and says, "Avery, you've got some blueberry on the inside of your leg". Avery looks down and says, "How did it get inside? There's no door to get in". Apparently we have yet to explain to her that inside your leg is quite different from the inside of your leg.
From the mouth of babes, eh?
Tuesday, June 21, 2005
Tuesday, June 14, 2005
Tigress Woods
It's Avery's third birthday today and as I eluded to in the last post, Jodi and I took Avery to play minigolf on Sunday evening. There's this crappy little course by our house with animals at each hole. They have a big polar bear out front and Avery loves polar bears so we figured she'd have fun.
She's never been minigolfing before, in fact she's never swung a golf club or putter before. I've tried on many occasions to show her how so I can get a feel for if she golfs left or right (so I can buy the proper clubs) but she wants nothing to do with it. She actually prefers hockey (so it's not all bad news)!
Anyway, we get to the course and the guy at the counter takes one look at her and decides she's too small to charge to play. Score. That's 3 bucks in my pocket. We get up to the first tee which was some sort of funny tube that was supposed to be a rocket (OK, so not all holes had an animal). I put the ball down on the mat and stood above Avery and showed her how to put her feet then I asked her to hold the club. She held it left, so we went with that. I held her hands to keep the putter straight and told her to pull it back and then "whack the ball".
She did exactly as I told her and the ball goes sailing through this long tube and out the other end and whipping right past the hole to the railing where it bounced off and took a little hop and landed right in the cup. A freaking hole in one on her first ever shot with a golf club. That has to be some sort of record. Funny thing is, Avery kept calling it "Mickey Mouse" instead of "minigolf" and didn't have a clue what a "putter" or "club" was - it was her "hockey stick" or "whacker thing". Man, you can't put a price on moments like those.
So Avery cruises along until about the 8th hole. Right before she hits the ball she looks down and sees a whole bunch of little caterpillars on the astroturf. She drops her putter and screams "caterpillars! Look, little caterpillars! They will turn into butterflies. This one is away from his mommy and daddy (she picks it up and walks it over to another one lying on the ground). There you go, back home now". At any rate, suffice it to say that Avery's game suffered greatly after the discovery of actual wildlife on the course. Oh well, she is still only 3 years old.
We get to the end of the course and there's this big ramp with a horribly drawn picture of a clown face at the end with a wide open mouth with a hole in it where the ball goes through. Avery says, "What this hole? I have to hit it through the big scary thing?" I've never thought about it but I guess to a kid clowns are freaking scary. This thing was certainly nothing to look at, that's for sure. She hits the ball a few dozen times then crawls up under the protective grate (so the ball doesn't launch into the parking lot) and throws the ball into the hole. She then crawls out and runs around to the other side where she realizes for the first time that the ball is not coming back. Of course, this leads to a complete meltdown as we try to explain to her that that's how minigolf works - you don't get to keep the ball after the last hole, you have to give it back so someone else can have a turn. In hindsight we probably could have prepared her for that a little better. Oh well, I'm still new to all this parenting stuff, sometimes you miss one.
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Does anyone else have a three year old who can spell their name? Seriously, we were picnicking with this kid and his dad goes, "Connor, spell 'Connor'", and the kid rhymes off "C-O-N-N-O-R". "Now Avery". "A-V-E-R-Y", along with a whole host of other words. Is this normal? His parents tried to downplay the fact that he's always liked letters and numbers and just took to spelling naturally, but me and Jodi and the other mom there were like, "What the f**k? If he starts playing Bach on the toy xylophone I'm getting a flippin tutor". Anyhow, I'm trying to teach her how to spell "raspberry" to one up this little Connor genius. We'll see how it goes.
She's never been minigolfing before, in fact she's never swung a golf club or putter before. I've tried on many occasions to show her how so I can get a feel for if she golfs left or right (so I can buy the proper clubs) but she wants nothing to do with it. She actually prefers hockey (so it's not all bad news)!
Anyway, we get to the course and the guy at the counter takes one look at her and decides she's too small to charge to play. Score. That's 3 bucks in my pocket. We get up to the first tee which was some sort of funny tube that was supposed to be a rocket (OK, so not all holes had an animal). I put the ball down on the mat and stood above Avery and showed her how to put her feet then I asked her to hold the club. She held it left, so we went with that. I held her hands to keep the putter straight and told her to pull it back and then "whack the ball".
She did exactly as I told her and the ball goes sailing through this long tube and out the other end and whipping right past the hole to the railing where it bounced off and took a little hop and landed right in the cup. A freaking hole in one on her first ever shot with a golf club. That has to be some sort of record. Funny thing is, Avery kept calling it "Mickey Mouse" instead of "minigolf" and didn't have a clue what a "putter" or "club" was - it was her "hockey stick" or "whacker thing". Man, you can't put a price on moments like those.
So Avery cruises along until about the 8th hole. Right before she hits the ball she looks down and sees a whole bunch of little caterpillars on the astroturf. She drops her putter and screams "caterpillars! Look, little caterpillars! They will turn into butterflies. This one is away from his mommy and daddy (she picks it up and walks it over to another one lying on the ground). There you go, back home now". At any rate, suffice it to say that Avery's game suffered greatly after the discovery of actual wildlife on the course. Oh well, she is still only 3 years old.
We get to the end of the course and there's this big ramp with a horribly drawn picture of a clown face at the end with a wide open mouth with a hole in it where the ball goes through. Avery says, "What this hole? I have to hit it through the big scary thing?" I've never thought about it but I guess to a kid clowns are freaking scary. This thing was certainly nothing to look at, that's for sure. She hits the ball a few dozen times then crawls up under the protective grate (so the ball doesn't launch into the parking lot) and throws the ball into the hole. She then crawls out and runs around to the other side where she realizes for the first time that the ball is not coming back. Of course, this leads to a complete meltdown as we try to explain to her that that's how minigolf works - you don't get to keep the ball after the last hole, you have to give it back so someone else can have a turn. In hindsight we probably could have prepared her for that a little better. Oh well, I'm still new to all this parenting stuff, sometimes you miss one.
--------------------------
Does anyone else have a three year old who can spell their name? Seriously, we were picnicking with this kid and his dad goes, "Connor, spell 'Connor'", and the kid rhymes off "C-O-N-N-O-R". "Now Avery". "A-V-E-R-Y", along with a whole host of other words. Is this normal? His parents tried to downplay the fact that he's always liked letters and numbers and just took to spelling naturally, but me and Jodi and the other mom there were like, "What the f**k? If he starts playing Bach on the toy xylophone I'm getting a flippin tutor". Anyhow, I'm trying to teach her how to spell "raspberry" to one up this little Connor genius. We'll see how it goes.
Monday, June 13, 2005
The joys of fatherhood...and golf.
This could easily be the greatest week of the year for me. Not just this year, but EVERY year. You see, this is the time of the year where I get to experience the "perfect storm" of joy. Three independant avenues of celebration and happiness all converging in a 7-day window creating a swirling dirvish of euphoria and bliss. I really should take this week off every year so that work doesn't drag me down. Not that it could, my job could be a hell of a lot worse and I could get paid a lot less to do it and besides, this week is far too amazing to have a mere job have any kind of negative effect.
Coming in from the South is a warm wave of sunshine and smiles in the form of Father's Day. For three years this has been a wonderful day for me and I fully expect that this year will not disappoint either. Being a father is the single most difficult job I've ever had. If you have kids you know what I'm talking about and if you don't just take my word for it. It's hard. At least it's hard if you're doing it properly. If it's not hard than you're either in the 0.000000001% of the population with a perfect child or you just not doing it right. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
As it turns out my daughter is related to Father's Day in more than one way. Yes, I have a daughter and therefore quailfy for the Father's Day bonus every year, but I'm in a relatively rare situation; Avery was born the Friday before Father's Day. So I got to celebrate that special occasion with a 2 day old baby. Not even, in fact. This picture was taken on Father's Day 2002. My daughter was not even 2 days old at this point.
Coming in from the South is a warm wave of sunshine and smiles in the form of Father's Day. For three years this has been a wonderful day for me and I fully expect that this year will not disappoint either. Being a father is the single most difficult job I've ever had. If you have kids you know what I'm talking about and if you don't just take my word for it. It's hard. At least it's hard if you're doing it properly. If it's not hard than you're either in the 0.000000001% of the population with a perfect child or you just not doing it right. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
As it turns out my daughter is related to Father's Day in more than one way. Yes, I have a daughter and therefore quailfy for the Father's Day bonus every year, but I'm in a relatively rare situation; Avery was born the Friday before Father's Day. So I got to celebrate that special occasion with a 2 day old baby. Not even, in fact. This picture was taken on Father's Day 2002. My daughter was not even 2 days old at this point.
I also got to bathe Avery for the first time on Father's Day, bring her home from the hospital, and show her to my father who came in from out of town (and not 2 weeks before leaving the country for a trip). This picture is my father on Father's Day after we just got home from the hospital with my 2 day old daughter:
Now, related to the front from the South and rolling in from the West is a sugar-high pressure, high intensity, whilrlwind of giggles and screams that is my daughter's birthday. As mentioned before, she was born two days before Father's Day 2002 on June 14th. This past weekend we took Avery and two of her gymnastics friends to the splash park for a picnic. It was a blast and as soon as I get my film developed I'll post pictures (the "normal" SLR camera takes better pictures so that's why I don't have any digital ones from that day). Tomorrow I'll get to celebrate her 3rd birthday with Jodi and we'll have a big cake and presents and stuff. Then this weekend (if not then, shortly thereafter) we'll get to celebrate her birthday again with my family and then Jodi's family (both out of town - in different towns).
Every year around this time there's always the Eastern flow of sports fanatics that converge on the USGA's course of choice to take in the thrill that is the U.S. Open of Golf. The second major championship of the season and one of the most exciting to watch. This golf tournament holds special significance to me not just for its prestige, or the fact that it's a major OPEN championship (that is to say, anyone can qualify and anyone can win - even me), but because on Avery's birth video when Jodi first started to go into labour at the hospital you can hear the U.S. Open on the TV in the background. Now, I turned it off for the birth portion of the evening but Saturday and Sunday were spent watching the U.S. Open on TV with my wife and baby daughter. Needless to say I was in complete heaven and every year since then this golf tournament has held a special place in my heart. It's Avery's tournament as much as it is Tiger Woods' or Ernie Els' or Vijay Singh's. After her showing at minigolf last night she just might be winning the damn thing some day.
Now that is it for this year, but every OTHER year there is one more thing; a cold snap that creeps down from the North that is the Stanley Cup Playoffs! Because of the stupid labour strife issues between the NHL and the Players Association there were no playoffs this year, but every year since 2002 and hopefully every year after this one will bring with it the greatest sports playoffs ever. 16 teams fighting over four rounds to win the greatest sporting trophy in the world. Growing up I would pretend to win the Stanley Cup over and over and over again. To just hold it above my head like Mr. Steve Yzerman here in 2002 would be the greatest thrill in the world for me.
In 2002, because of the Olympics, the NHL playoffs were delayed and they were handing out the Cup later than usual. In fact, I was watching the final game on Thursday June 13th and when it was all over and Detriot had paraded the Cup all around the ice I turned to my wife in bed and said, "OK, you can give birth now". Which was funny at the time because she was still 3 weeks away from her due date. The next morning at 5:15 my wife's water broke and she woke me up with, "Andrew.... Andrew..... We're going to have a baby". I was completely asleep and was only able to mutter, "I know". Jodi then says, "No, we're having one today. My water just broke". Well if I didn't jump out of bed like my ass was on fire and start backing the bags... The rest as they say, is history, but suffice it to say that if I wasn't already completely nuts for the hockey playoffs that I certainly am now.
Hockey playoffs, and more importantly the Stanley Cup being handed out signify the start of a wonderful period for me every year. One where the Three Fronts Of Happiness converge and turn my world into one of hope, renewal, amazement and love. Yup, it is indeed a wonderful time of year, and I'm leaving work early.
Wednesday, June 08, 2005
Questions Abound
Does anyone else have this deep rooted fear of their cell phone falling into the toilet when they go to the bathroom?
When you dial a number and you get that message saying, "This is a long distance call. Please dial "1" before the number and try your call again. This is a recording", if it knows that you needed to dial "1", why doesn't it just add the "1" and connect you?
How come no matter what I put in the microwave at work when I press "Auto Reheat" it sets itself to three minutes?
Why do my computer clock and phone clock read different times? Furthermore, my VCR is set off of my television, so why are those times different too?
Why do cops ask if I know how fast I was going? If they're pulling me over, it's a pretty good guess that it was not under the speed limit.
Why do some people insist on talking to me when I go to great lenghts to let them know I'd rather be doing anything else?
Why do they do construction during rush hour?
Are seagulls *really* on the endangered species list?
How do you explain that little water tornado that forms when the water drains out of the tub to a 3 year old? "It's a vortex sweetie. Like a tornado but in water. What's a tornado? What's a vortex? Well when the water goes down the drain the molecules... What's a molecule? Oh look, the water's gone, let's get you dried off..."
When you dial a number and you get that message saying, "This is a long distance call. Please dial "1" before the number and try your call again. This is a recording", if it knows that you needed to dial "1", why doesn't it just add the "1" and connect you?
How come no matter what I put in the microwave at work when I press "Auto Reheat" it sets itself to three minutes?
Why do my computer clock and phone clock read different times? Furthermore, my VCR is set off of my television, so why are those times different too?
Why do cops ask if I know how fast I was going? If they're pulling me over, it's a pretty good guess that it was not under the speed limit.
Why do some people insist on talking to me when I go to great lenghts to let them know I'd rather be doing anything else?
Why do they do construction during rush hour?
Are seagulls *really* on the endangered species list?
How do you explain that little water tornado that forms when the water drains out of the tub to a 3 year old? "It's a vortex sweetie. Like a tornado but in water. What's a tornado? What's a vortex? Well when the water goes down the drain the molecules... What's a molecule? Oh look, the water's gone, let's get you dried off..."
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